Damn girl, look at that body.

Hi hi sunshines! Sorry for not blogging in like 8 million years, but - y'know - things get busy. Whatevs.

Also, I know I said I'd blog about my puppy-kins, and I will, someday, but today is not that day...

Lately I have been doing lots of work on changing my diet to eat clean, and starting to increase/change my workouts. Today I was looking at the infinite possibilities for this online and I was just overwhelmed by the prospect of what lies ahead. Sometimes it can be really discouraging just thinking about working out and changing your life. For me, it's because I see people and I think to myself - I will never look like that.

And that's true. I will never look like that person. That person is a completely different person than I am. We have different body types, different muscle builds, different bone structures, different histories that build and shape ourselves, and different DNA.

So, NO - you and I will never look like Gisele or The Get in Shape Girl or Lisa from bodyrock.tv (unless you happen to BE one of those people, in which case - daaaamn girl!). We'll look like us. That fact is something I have to learn to accept and be okay with, or be happy about. Part of the reason I get discouraged is that things feel hopeless because honestly, right now, I still don't love ME. I think part of me still believes that maybe if I eat the right things and do the right exercises, I'll somehow become this magical, beautiful person that I suddenly love. The truth is that I have to accept myself as I am.

I don't know what that means for me. And that's scary. This another part of my fears with change. I don't know what the outcome will be and if I'll like it. That doesn't mean I don't want to change. It means that I'm practically paralyzed with fear in how I should go about changing. Should I lift more? Should I do more cardio? Should I do circuit work? Should I do bikini competitor workouts? Should I do P90X? Or the bodyrock workouts? Or yoga? What's going to get me the results I desire? What are the results I desire?

Secretly, I'm really just afraid that I'll end up super muscular if I lift too much, or lift wrong, or don't do enough cardio or eat too much protein. What to do, what to do?

You know - after I write it all down, it seems clear. Lift, but not heavy weights. Low weights, lots of reps. Do plenty of cardio. Eat lean protein. Muscle is better than fat, right?