Fuck off.

Lately there have been a lot of moments where I've been sitting with other people, and I feel completely invisible.

It's a really shitty feeling.

Days Go By...

Hello, sunshines.

It's almost finals week(s). Things aren't looking too sun-shiny from where I'm sitting but I'm sure my perspective will be quite different on the other side of May 4.

Here's some ramblings for you all though...

Lately, I've thought a lot about how old I am and how much time has passed and how I've done a lot of things that I'm proud to have done, or that I thought I should have done, but there are still a lot of things I'd like to do. I'm figuring out, more and more each day, just what those things are. I'm excited to get started on some of these things, and a bit peeved that I haven't done them sooner.

But what I seem to find myself dwelling on is the things that I'm sure I've already missed out on. Some of these things are probably things that you would tell me I could still do, or can still do. But I would have to say no. The time has passed. There is a time and a place for everything, and while some things, blessedly, transcend time, others do not. It is a simple, unchangeable, sometimes harsh fact of life. But it is a certainty.

Can I take some solace in that? No. No, I really can't.

I'm beginning to accept, as a part of life, this fact that there are certain things I've missed out on, and certain things I will never have, or never do, or never experience. I suppose you might say that I am coming to terms with my own decisions and attempting to live life without regret. And it's not so much regret, as it is a longing for an experience that is simply an impossibility.

This is a rather depressing blogpost. Apologies for that.

I guess the point that this blog is supposed to be getting at is that I am going to make every effort I can to do the things I want to do, to experience the things I want to experience, and to see the things I want to see, while I still can, and, more specifically, when I have the opportunity to do so.

Peru

I think I'm supposed to go to Peru. It keeps popping up in my life. On of my FB friends went to Peru recently, and posted a bunch of amazing pictures. I was telling another friend about how I was looking through these pictures and getting jealous - at which point my friend told me about his amazing trip to Peru. The next day, I was looking through the paper and saw an article about how some Peruvians would be visiting Peru, Nebraska for some book thing.

It's when it happens in threes like this that I start to feel like maybe it means something.

Go to Peru, Samantha.

Sometimes, I really don't like people.

So many times, throughout our lives, we are exposed to so many people, both personally as well as through various media, who show us the very despicable nature of man.

It's quite disheartening. It makes me lose faith in humanity.

But then I remember my sister, and my brother-in-law; my closest friends spread throughout the country, and those here in Lincoln; the truly decent people in the world, who want to do good things, who do, in fact, do good things. Who love and live compassionately. And that gives me a little hope.

Big Decisions...

Hi sunshines. Quick happy note: My dad had a chest x-ray on Monday, and he got the results back today - all clear!! Hurray!

We're starting to talk about registration for classes for next fall. This is going to be the first time we actually choose which classes we take. During the first year, we take the classes they tell us to take, with the professors they tell us to take them from, at the time they tell us to take them at. (Urgh - ending sentences in prepositions…)

Next fall is the first opportunity we have to choose our classes, and there are SO many to choose from. We've only got two years left and there are so many great classes to take, but definitely not enough time to take them all. We have to choose to take the right classes at the right times to ensure that we have the proper pre-reqs. Not something I am inexperienced in, but much more difficult when you don't know for sure which classes will be offered during your third year, or which type(s) of law you want to specialize in.

Would it really be so bad to choose a specialty based on the professors I like?

For so long, I've taken courses and talked about doing the type of law that makes a lot of money, because I thought I would enjoy being a high-powered, scary lawyer. I'm not sure anymore that I want to do that. I'm trying to take steps to do things I want to do, instead things I think I should do, or I think other people think I should do.

This feels like a very important decision. And I feel that there is not enough time to make it, because registration packets aren't even available yet and I've got some other things on my plate at this point … namely, finals.

This too shall pass.

Whether I want it to, or not.