New Experiences and the Same Old Excuses

Hey there, Sunshines.

Question - do you like to do new things? Do actually enjoy doing new things? I do sometimes, but for the most part, not so much.

I get so anxious and nervous doing new things. Especially (mostly) if I have to do something new alone. I also get surprisingly anxious when I have to do something new with other people who have done it (whatever it may be) before. Interestingly enough, I thrive in situations where everyone is a newb.

Sometimes, if I really trust a person, I can do a new thing with them even though they are already very experienced. I've only really had this kind of trust with one person. Not important…

I digress…

I've done a lot of new things these past couple of weeks. And I've actually really enjoyed them. And strangely enough, even though everyone always tells you this, it actually HAS gotten easier to do the new things the more I do.

That's a good thing, I think.

But then I think about the new things I've been doing, and why I've been doing them, and I have to wonder --- Do i do new things because I WANT to do these new things or do I do new things because I'm merely hoping to somehow benefit from the experience of doing something new? Is it fair to drag other people through the anxiety and agony of my new experiences just so I can garner some sense of security in future new experiences?

Am I using that as an excuse to cop out of doing new things?

I feel like this happens a lot. I have a problem. I see a rational answer or reason for the problem. And then I'm left to wonder if that so-called "rational answer" is really the answer, or merely an excuse.